“You should speak more.” “Why are you never going out?” “It’s so hard speaking with you.” These three sentences have followed me throughout my life as a person with social anxiety. For as long as I can remember, having social interactions with others has always been a challenge for me.
Thankfully, I can now say my worst phase is behind me. However, now that I’m in college I can’t help but ask myself if the aftermath of having hard social anxiety is making me waste my youth.
What is social anxiety?
According to the American National Institute of Health, social anxiety disorder is “the intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.” It’s important to keep in mind that social anxiety is different from being shy or simply an introvert. While introverts can experience social anxiety it’s not always the case.
In general, the three main factors that distinguish social anxiety from shyness are:
- How much it interferes with your day-to-day life.
- How intense your fear and anxiety are.
- How much you avoid certain situations.
Having social anxiety disorder is something that can affect your everyday activities such as your education, your career, and your relationships (all at different scales depending on the severity of your social anxiety.
Symptoms of social anxiety can be both physical and behavioral. Common symptoms include:
- Feeling very nervous to the point of feeling nauseated in social situations.
- Not making much eye contact when interacting with others.
- Having a stiff body posture when you’re around other people.
- Having panic attack (for the most extreme case)
- Being very self-conscious in front of other people.
- Feeling embarrassed or awkward in front of other people.
- Feeling your mind “go blank” and not knowing what to say to other people.
- Feeling very afraid or worried that other people will judge you negatively or reject you.
- Avoiding places where there are people.
Illustration of Psychological Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms, Image Courtesy to zoelifepsychiatricservices.com
The feeling of missing out.
I believe that the hardest part of having social anxiety, especially with social media, is watching yourself being miserable while others are having fun and enjoying their youth.
You want to be connected with others but social media can increase social anxiety and stress. Once you get FOMO, you enter an endless cycle of feeling like you’re missing out unless you do what others are doing—partying, being active on social media. But doing so is making you even more stressed and anxious. This makes socializing harder and reinforces the belief that you’re missing out on fun and fulfillment.
Illustration of FOMO caused social media, Image Courtesy to Ziauddin in dawn.com
Trying to get better
I know it’s hard to get help when having social anxiety because the fear of being judged and vulnerable in front of others often feels overwhelming. But, if you think you may suffer from this disorder I would strongly encourage you to consider seeing a therapist. Being able to reach out to a professional would have helped me a lot, and I regret not being brave enough to go by myself.
Even though you can’t reach out for help, don’t give up on your life and yourself just because of social anxiety. Every action to get better is a win.
For me, the only way to make progress on my own was to push out of my comfort zone , one small step at a time. Even though it will be hard, you’ll see yourself get better with time!
- Focus on what you are doing that makes you happy. Being distracted by what others are doing (and what you’re not) can take away from your experiences. Keep your attention on what you’re doing that brings you enjoyment.
- Don’t worry about sharing on social media in real time. The easiest way to skip FOMO caused by social media is to not go on social media.
Social anxiety and stress isn’t something that disappears completely, no matter how confident you are, but you can take some steps to comfort yourself and get back to focusing on what really matters
Featured Image by: Simply Psychology
