Loneliness is a subjective internal state, yet it has become an objective and external pattern of behaviour. As the days get progressively shorter and the temperatures start to dip, it’s not only the skies that start to turn grey but something deeper inside of most of us. The biting cold amplifies the sense of loneliness that exists in various quantities in the back of our minds. The increasing amount of time we spend indoors, the inherently isolating nature of the digital age, and the unbearable uncertainty of the world around us create a perfect storm leaving countless young individuals feeling disconnected, drained and stuck.
Loneliness is intrinsically woven into the fabric of today’s society. Between 5% and 15% of teenagers experience loneliness, while 1 in 4 elderly individuals are considered socially isolated. With these statistics in mind, the additional challenge of seasonal depression turns the winter months into a test of mental resilience. Unlike solitude, which can at times be a restorative, healing state, loneliness weighs heavy on one’s psyche, stemming from a deep sense of disconnection. Going about defining loneliness is an arduous endeavour, as much as any other sentiment – it is a subjective state of being. A common way to describe loneliness across people is, “a distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections, where inadequate refers to the discrepancy or unmet need between an individual’s preferred and actual experience.”
In simpler words, being lonely means having plenty of loved ones around you but not feeling appreciated by them – being surrounded by other people “who are only present in your life because you are useful” to them. Sounds familiar?
It is easy to jump the gun and blame the pandemic for the rising percentages of loneliness observed in GenZ and Millennials, but the numbers of these age groups are not the predominant statistics and they were that way before the outbreak of COVID-19. According to Harvard’s Making Caring Common (MCC) project, people between the ages of 30 and 44 were found to be the loneliest, with 29% of them reporting to feel “frequently” or “always” lonely. They were closely followed by 18 to 29 year olds, with a rate of 24%. One might rightfully wonder, well, how is it even possible for people to feel this disconnected in a world where we are more connected than ever? Well, if we are being honest, over the past four years, our world has undergone significant transformation. A global pandemic, wars, economic inflation, an increasingly tense and polarised political climate are just some of the global realities we have been forced to face and accept.
We never seem to escape the exponential imbalance of the world around us, which infiltrates our daily life and our online activities alike. Scrolling through perfectly curated feeds can leave users feeling inadequate, unseen, or excluded — a paradox of loneliness in a hyperconnected world. The mechanisms behind the structure of the algorithms that seem to rule our world are skillfully crafted to create a sort of echo chamber. As these algorithms present users with exponentially more content that aligns with their tastes and beliefs the more they scroll, hyper exposing them to views they are already acclimated to and familiar with. Our repeated engagement with content tailored to our feelings and state of mind makes us subconsciously perceive them as the widespread norm; something -however- that does not reflect reality. This phenomenon contributes to the feelings of exclusion and hence loneliness, as we feel that there is space for our views solely online. As they appear underrepresented in our governments and in the societal zeitgeist -the dominant culture of a specific period in society- we decide to turn our back to the world that doesn’t give our opinions the time of day, and resort to our very own online sanctuary, where they can flourish and thrive.
Beyond technology, however, other societal shifts have been the stepping stones of this silent epidemic. The erosion of what we consider “third places” has intrinsically contributed to the widespread feeling of stagnation. The concept of “third places,” coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, refers to social environments outside of home (the “first place”) and work or school (the “second place”) where people gather, connect, and build community – spaces for ‘informal, free social interaction.’ Emphasis on free. The urban sprawl, economic pressures, and the digital shift have all reduced the availability and accessibility of those spaces. In many areas, the rise of commercialised environments has replaced what were once community-centred, casual, low-cost gathering spots. Coupled with the increasing reliance on digital communication, especially highlighted during lockdown, the use of those spaces has reduced, isolating us in a cycle of digital connection that weakens the social fabric.
Additionally, the increasing academic and career pressures in a world of financial uncertainty leave less time and energy for fostering genuine relationships. It is no secret that societal expectations have exponentially grown – each one of us under immense pressure to excel academically, secure prestigious and often career-defining opportunities, and set ourselves up for success. When the only colour in our lives is the colour-coded time blocks of our google calendars, we end up spending less time socialising, engaging in hobbies, or taking care of ourselves, because we don’t have the time, nor the energy.
The digital age exacerbates this stress: social media platforms like Instagram and LinkedIn highlight colleagues constantly reaching significant goals, which can lead to emotions of inadequacy. People may be reluctant to display vulnerability as a result of their ongoing quest for professional and academic approval, which further strains important relationships. The struggle to balance work, education, and personal development can eventually result in burnout, which not only makes loneliness worse but also erodes one’s will to connect with people. As the pressure to succeed makes allocating time for relationships seem an impossible luxury, it perpetuates the loneliness cycle.
Every day, I see my colleagues sacrificing their sleep, energy, and sanity on the shrine of productivity and success. I see them getting two hours of sleep in order to finish an extracurricular assignment, working a job on top of juggling university to gain ‘experience,’ and spend countless hours at their desks in front of their computers for ‘the grind.’ When you step back and observe the situation – the condition of the world both around us and the one inside of us – you can’t help but wonder: are we working to succeed, or are we working to distract ourselves from what we all feel but cannot put into words?
We are living in a time where nothing is certain, where tomorrow is not guaranteed, and success needs to be earned. However, that glass half-empty, pessimistic mindset combined with the aforementioned factors have contributed to an isolated, lonely, lost, and exhausted generation. In a time of multifaceted crisis, what we need is to stop “connecting” on LinkedIn and start connecting with the people around us, and most importantly ourselves.
Featured image accessed by Yale University Art Gallery and provided by Vincent van Gogh titled La Café de Nuit.
